I took this meal up a notch and made it my own tonight so it is time to share. This recipe is quick, easy and yummy plus uses only one pot. It is pasta plus taco. What could be better? Hopefully someday my picky eaters will like it, and it will be a family favorite (I am not holding my breath on the last part)!

Mexican Goulash

One Pot Beef Taco Pasta

This is a great go-to meal if you are short on time, or just don’t feel like cooking. It is going to be a resident in my 2 week meal plans!

Recipe adapted from Dinners, Dishes and Desserts.

So last Thursday, New Year’s Eve, I had big plans. The littles were seemingly on the upswing from a respiratory virus that had kept them inside since Christmas, so we were going to go to the movies, get home about the same time as Daddy and have a little dinner. After the kids were put to bed, I planned on writing a blog post about the huge year of 2015, highlighting my mishaps and celebrating my victories, and then actually spend some time on the couch with my hubs. My 21 year old self is shaking her head at me for calling those big plans, but she had no clue what exhausted was!

Well, my plan was not to become a reality when, instead, I had the scariest moment of parenting to date. Madeline, my 3 year old, went from being still a little sick to being very sick in a very short period of time. Long story short, she was full of poop which blocked her urethra so she couldn’t pee, causing her bladder to be so full it was bulging out of her abdomen and she very quickly became dehydrated. The looks on the doctors’ faces in the ER before they determined it was her bladder protruding from her abdomen was scary. How quickly my daughter became completely pale and limp was terrifying.

So my internal reflection of 2015 ended up a little differently than anticipated. Instead of being at my computer with a glass of wine in hand, I was trapped underneath my 3 year old who had just had an enema and put so much effort into expelling her blockage that she immediately fell asleep, leaving me trapped and waiting for a doctor or a nurse to come save me from my parental hell …. Frozen on TV.

As an employment attorney, I talked to thousands of employees from all walks of life. Professionals to minimum wage retail employees, and everyone in between. Typically, they were employees who had a negative employment action or experience. What the collective “we” often doesn’t realize, in our own role as an employee, is that our job, our career, becomes a huge part of who we are and it starts to define us. We too often spend more awake time at our jobs with our co-workers and bosses than we spend with our family and loved ones. It is common to hear people say that you shouldn’t bring you home life to work with you, or that you shouldn’t let your personal life impact your work. But what about when you constantly bring your work home with you. When you let your work life impact your home life, your health and eventually you?

I can tell you, it sneaks up on you. It is a gradual process that can easily go unnoticed. You slowly become negative and bitter, you take it out on your significant other because he is your safe place. Your not present with your kids in the time you do have with them because you are so distracted by work things. And, if you let it get bad enough, you start having panic attacks and hiding in bathrooms. You get put on anxiety meds with a separate prescription for “those times” when you are about to go off the deep end. That was my breaking point anyways. And it took 3 long years to get me to that point. 3 years of becoming more and more stressed. More and more unhappy. But getting put on medication was a wake-up call. So was sitting on a toilet to avoid the unavoidable (and maybe because the stress is giving you the shits). But those are details for another post, at another time.

What I knew, what my husband knew, was that I had to get out of that situation. We had to do something. So, we took the advice of a friend and former colleague, and “went nuclear.” Let me just tell you, going nuclear is scary. But staying in the same place was scarier.

I don’t really like to clean. I have never had any interest in cooking. But here I was, quitting my job as a litigation attorney to stay at home with my kiddos, keep house and pursue my passion of photography. That was probably the scariest part of the whole thing! I remember early in the #180in2015 being out of the house with both kids, and trying to get them put back together to go back home. I was juggling a purse, a diaper bag, all their stuff, and trying to zip a winter jacket on a squirming kid. I am sure I looked like a crazy woman who had never left the house, and well, I kind of was. It was probably the same night that I made Hot Dog Pizza for dinner. But day after day, things became more familiar and easier. I now leave the house without distress, I ditched the diaper bag and I can zip a coat on a kid hanging upside down. I can make an entire Christmas dinner without being overwhelmed, and without hot dogs, and it comes out pretty good.

By summer, I kept catching myself feeling weird. I had weaned myself off the meds, so I knew it wasn’t that. I was smiling for no apparent reason, maybe even singing or humming to myself. It took a little bit for me to realize it was happiness. I was happy. It had been so long since I was actually happy in my life, my whole life, that I forgot what it was like. My happiness had been sucked out of me by my work life, but I got it back. My kids brought it back. Don’t get me wrong, the #180in2015 wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. I. Quit. My. Job. We traded in a regular paycheck and benefits for two small businesses and being self-employed. There have been weeks when we have asked ourselves how can we keep on going like this. But here we are, a year in, and still going. And happy. I am happy despite the stresses of life.

And now that my happy is back, and I am re-discovering who I am, I am fully able to appreciate my kids, my marriage, my family and my life. I am there to celebrate my littles’ accomplishments no matter how minor, and to love them through their disappointments. To be present with them and not be stressed out to the point of complete distraction. Even when I am marinating in the smell of stale poop, weighted down to the bed by a 25 pound child being forced to watch Frozen for the 539,342nd time, I am happy.

So, a week late, cheers to #180in2015. And the Borns are ready for #killingitin2016.

I am confused. I thought we sent a man to the moon like before I was born. And lord knows, that was a long time ago. I mean, before there was Google and cell phones, a man walked on the moon. We propelled a human being into outer space and he landed on the moon, took a walk and made it back to Earth. In one piece.

And yet, humankind cannot develop a straw cup that doesn’t leak. WTF. It isn’t rocket science, is it? And even if it is, we sent a man to the moon in the 1970s so this shouldn’t be an issue.

I collect straw cups because I am determined to find one the doesn’t leak. Most do. One has come close to not. And if you have found one that doesn’t, please, for the love of all things holy, or should we say leaky, please share with me!

The brand that probably ticks me off the most? Camelbak. I mean aren’t they like known for on-the-go drinking devices for the very active? And these cups are not cheap – $10 and up for a kids cup that leaks terribly is ridiculous. And when I say it leaks, I mean it freakin’ leaks.

Case in point. Not even 15 minutes after I set it down for my 4 year old son, and he was miraculously sitting quietly during that time, this is what happens. Now, imagine that in your kid’s backpack or even worse, your purse.

Camelbak = #fail

Munchkin. They are cheap and easy to find at Wal-Mart, Target and Babies r Us. But they inevitably leak at the top of the straw. A quick twist of the top usually sucks the liquid back in but if you don’t catch it in time it overflows like Mount St. Helen.

And just forget the cheap festive cups with straws from Target. I always get convinced into getting them for the kids only to secretly throw them out a week later.

So far, the closet I have come to the perfect, leak proof straw cup is Contigo’s Striker cup. They are comparable in price to Camelbak but only seem to leak when they get too hot. Like when left the car. This summer, we have only had a couple days hot enough in WNY to cause them to leak in the house. They are also much easier to clean than Camelbak. However, there is a rubber ring seal in the tops that has come out in at least 3 of our cups and it is a pain in the rear to get it back in. And I suspect the hubs, not realizing you can fix them, has thrown away a top. I recently bought a Contigo Gizmo, and had high, high hopes for it based on its straw mechanism but we have already had several leaks.  So the Striker is still an imperfect number 1 here in the Born house.

But seriously, we sent a man to the moon.

P.S. Shonda

I honestly didn’t think it could get worse than last week’s uncalled for (and ordinary) death of Derek. I thought your 2 hour special the week afterwards would pay tribute to the character that, along with Meredith, made the show. A character that nearly ALL of the show’s fans LOVED for 11 seasons. A 2 hour episode for us, and the other characters, to grieve the loss of Derek Shepherd. A second chance for you to make us all ugly cry for inappropriate amounts of times. Cristina should have been there to support Meredith. Addison there for Amelia and to pay her respects to a man she loved and for which she would always have a special place in her heart. If you weren’t going to make his death epic, then his funeral should have been.

Well, I was dead wrong, wasn’t I? Seriously?! Seriously? You thought the fans, who made you who you are today, deserved to not even be invited to McDreamy’s funeral? That in less than 15 minutes, the funeral was over and it was already over a month after Derek’s death with barely any dialogue, grief or tears (by the characters or the viewers). And then during the following hour and forty-five minutes to fast forward nearly a year after his death with little to no real acknowledgment of Derek’s death. Rude. And insulting to the fans, Derek Shepherd and Patrick Dempsey in the process. That is what you thought was a good follow-up to last week’s horribly written episode? I think that you may have lost what made you so special. You have lost your mojo if this is the crap you are going to offer the fans who have followed you for over 10 years on one show.

Luckily, this terrible episode played out more like a series finale than anything, albeit a disappointing one, so not tuning into next week’s episode will be easier than anticipated. Thanks for killing my favorite show in less than half an hour, and then beating it down some more in last night’s episode. You should be embarrassed.

Enjoy the carousel, Shonda. I wouldn’t want to be on your ride.

Dear Shonda,

You don’t know me but my name is Sarah, and I have contributed to your success. How? By faithfully watching every episode of Grey’s Anatomy (and subsequently Private Practice) since Day One. The thousands of other devoted followers and I are a huge part of why you have enjoyed the success you have had in your career over the past 10 years. The other part is Ellen and Patrick. There are not another two actors out there that could have brought to life your characters the way that they did. It is that undeniable chemistry between Meredith and Derek during the pilot that hooked me and everyone else for the next 11 seasons. Meredith and Derek made the show. And without them and us, their loyal fans, there would be no Shondaland.

Today I am exhausted, sad and angry. I am exhausted because I couldn’t fall asleep last night after watching Grey’s. At the risk of sounding a wee bit crazy, I had dreams about Derek and Meredith last night, woke up in the middle of the night and had trouble falling back asleep because I was so sad about Derek’s death. Sad for Meredith. Sad for Zola and Bailey. Just sad. And that sadness is still with me today. After more than 10 years, you get attached to the characters in your favorite show.

I am angry because of how you chose to end Derek and Meredith – a poorly crafted season ending with a terribly written episode. Derek deserved better. Meredith deserved better. WE deserved better.  Let’s start with this season, Season 11. It is like you have been cobbling together several half-assed and forced story lines all season long starting with Derek’s absence as he left his family to go to Washington DC. Something we all know Derek wouldn’t do. And the bitter feelings between Derek and Meredith, as a result. Then you tacked on that ridiculous “did he cheat” story line. That just made me mad. Nearly a whole season without Derek and then you throw in that crap?! At least you gave us a warm, fuzzy MerDer moment and then an episode of happiness for them (you’re so generous). But then. Then you kill Derek. You killed our McDreamy?! And don’t give us that crap that Derek’s death just “naturally came to be” that Patrick gave in an interview. I am sure that language was hand fed to him and a requirement of ending his contract early because there has been nothing “natural” or “organic” about this season, let alone his death.

Not only did you kill him but you killed our Derek in a completely craptastic way. Seriously, that is the best you could do? I probably put more thought into this letter than you did to Derek’s death. You gave that Mercy Wester with the gigantic head a better death when he died in Bailey’s arms during the hospital shooting. Derek, on the other, hand, Derek who is half of the couple that made this show, gets death by sitting on the OR table for an hour and a half while some doctor finishes dinner. Alone. You didn’t give him and Meredith a chance to say goodbye. It would have been gut wrenching, a la Lexie and McSteamy, but it was needed. They deserved to have one last moment. And then you make Meredith pull Derek’s plug. Alone. That is how you thought was the best way to write DEREK SHEPHERD off the show?! A terrible season followed by a lame death? Why didn’t you just leave him to his brain mapping in DC and have Meredith and the kids follow him next season, naturally ending a great series. That is the ending Meredith and Derek deserved. Happily after ever. That is the ending we all deserved after more than 10 years of rooting for Meredith and Derek through the ups and downs. But if you felt like you had to kill our McDreamy, he deserved a better death than you gave him.

I will watch next week’s episode so that I can say goodbye to Derek. Say goodbye to Meredith, Richard, Bailey, and Alex, who have been with us since Day One. To Callie, Arizona, Owen, Jackson and April who have become an important and enjoyable part of the show. Because after next week, Grey’s Anatomy is dead to me. In a boring, albeit shocking because I didn’t think you would kill him, half of an episode you killed Derek and the show. You are right, Shonda, it is the episode America will never forget because it was the terrible ending to 11 seasons of a beloved show. But you are also wrong because the carousel does stop turning. It stops when you put Derek Shepherd 6 feet under. And I can promise you that I will never watch another show by Shondaland because you obviously do not care about your loyal fans, the very people who have made you a success.

Sincerely,

Sarah

“Maybe you should start making frozen meals for dinner.” This was a recent suggestion by my hubs. The look on my face must have demanded elaboration because he went on to tell me that it wasn’t because of my cooking but that if I only dirtied one pot a meal, perhaps I would be more successful at cleaning up after myself.  Mmm hmmmm.

In my new role, I have been making a huge effort to cook dinner every night. This is far from easy for me and I am actually quite proud of some of my results. But that is another post for another day. Jeremy and I have a very different opinion of clean and philosophy on when to do dishes. To me, so what if there are a couple dishes in the sink. Or on the counter. Or on the stove. They will still be there when I am ready to take care of them. And I will take care of them – so long as I don’t have more important things to do. Like tend to my littles or my businesses.

Jeremy on the other hand would rather eat frozen meals for dinner than cope with a few dishes strewn around the kitchen! We will call this his adjustment period. I am also trying to teach him that a few toys on the floor isn’t the End. Of. The. World.  This is not an easy job for me. When he was home with the kids for the last 4 years, he obsessively picked up toys several times a day. Me? I start to pick them up in the hour I expect him to come home and usually get distracted in the process. Really, I try. But this has been a struggle for me for as long as I can remember. I thrive in organized chaos. My bedroom growing up, my desk at work, my purse. All a hot mess. See….

But friends, Jeremy is the opposite extreme. This “mess” would send Jeremy Over. The. Edge.

Ya’ll think I’m joking but I’m not. I am set up for failure.

So I will continue on my quest to train Jeremy to embrace a lived in home, and maybe just maybe a little bit of his OCD will rub off on me.