Dear Shonda,

You don’t know me but my name is Sarah, and I have contributed to your success. How? By faithfully watching every episode of Grey’s Anatomy (and subsequently Private Practice) since Day One. The thousands of other devoted followers and I are a huge part of why you have enjoyed the success you have had in your career over the past 10 years. The other part is Ellen and Patrick. There are not another two actors out there that could have brought to life your characters the way that they did. It is that undeniable chemistry between Meredith and Derek during the pilot that hooked me and everyone else for the next 11 seasons. Meredith and Derek made the show. And without them and us, their loyal fans, there would be no Shondaland.

Today I am exhausted, sad and angry. I am exhausted because I couldn’t fall asleep last night after watching Grey’s. At the risk of sounding a wee bit crazy, I had dreams about Derek and Meredith last night, woke up in the middle of the night and had trouble falling back asleep because I was so sad about Derek’s death. Sad for Meredith. Sad for Zola and Bailey. Just sad. And that sadness is still with me today. After more than 10 years, you get attached to the characters in your favorite show.

I am angry because of how you chose to end Derek and Meredith – a poorly crafted season ending with a terribly written episode. Derek deserved better. Meredith deserved better. WE deserved better.  Let’s start with this season, Season 11. It is like you have been cobbling together several half-assed and forced story lines all season long starting with Derek’s absence as he left his family to go to Washington DC. Something we all know Derek wouldn’t do. And the bitter feelings between Derek and Meredith, as a result. Then you tacked on that ridiculous “did he cheat” story line. That just made me mad. Nearly a whole season without Derek and then you throw in that crap?! At least you gave us a warm, fuzzy MerDer moment and then an episode of happiness for them (you’re so generous). But then. Then you kill Derek. You killed our McDreamy?! And don’t give us that crap that Derek’s death just “naturally came to be” that Patrick gave in an interview. I am sure that language was hand fed to him and a requirement of ending his contract early because there has been nothing “natural” or “organic” about this season, let alone his death.

Not only did you kill him but you killed our Derek in a completely craptastic way. Seriously, that is the best you could do? I probably put more thought into this letter than you did to Derek’s death. You gave that Mercy Wester with the gigantic head a better death when he died in Bailey’s arms during the hospital shooting. Derek, on the other, hand, Derek who is half of the couple that made this show, gets death by sitting on the OR table for an hour and a half while some doctor finishes dinner. Alone. You didn’t give him and Meredith a chance to say goodbye. It would have been gut wrenching, a la Lexie and McSteamy, but it was needed. They deserved to have one last moment. And then you make Meredith pull Derek’s plug. Alone. That is how you thought was the best way to write DEREK SHEPHERD off the show?! A terrible season followed by a lame death? Why didn’t you just leave him to his brain mapping in DC and have Meredith and the kids follow him next season, naturally ending a great series. That is the ending Meredith and Derek deserved. Happily after ever. That is the ending we all deserved after more than 10 years of rooting for Meredith and Derek through the ups and downs. But if you felt like you had to kill our McDreamy, he deserved a better death than you gave him.

I will watch next week’s episode so that I can say goodbye to Derek. Say goodbye to Meredith, Richard, Bailey, and Alex, who have been with us since Day One. To Callie, Arizona, Owen, Jackson and April who have become an important and enjoyable part of the show. Because after next week, Grey’s Anatomy is dead to me. In a boring, albeit shocking because I didn’t think you would kill him, half of an episode you killed Derek and the show. You are right, Shonda, it is the episode America will never forget because it was the terrible ending to 11 seasons of a beloved show. But you are also wrong because the carousel does stop turning. It stops when you put Derek Shepherd 6 feet under. And I can promise you that I will never watch another show by Shondaland because you obviously do not care about your loyal fans, the very people who have made you a success.

Sincerely,

Sarah